I’m pretty sure that at some point in your life, you have been on a date with someone you really liked. The food and wine was flowing, you were laughing and having a great time. You felt like you were doing really well. The end of the night comes and you’re expecting that warm embrace but sadly you get rejected.
As you walk away devastated from the scene of the crime, you start replaying the entire night in your head wondering where you went wrong, and how you got the signals so confused. Let’s have a look at some of the signals you probably missed.
This is the term for when someone places an inconspicuous object between themselves and you. This is a bad sign as it means the person is feeling uncomfortable and seeking comfort by literally trying to put something between the two of you.
This can be anything as subtle as them moving their glass from their left hand to their right. To something more deliberate like moving condiments like the salt and pepper shaker between the two of you when you speak.
If you see this, you need to consider that you may have said something that your date doesn’t agree with and revise your strategy.
If you want to check this, move a salt and pepper to the centre of the table and see whether the person leaves them there or moves them to the side. If they move them to the side, you know that they are interested in you.
Direction of body (Feet & Body)
The direction of a person’s feet is the most accurate means of reading a person’s feelings and interests. If someone’s feet are pointed toward you that means they are genuinely interested in you.
However if your date’s upper body is facing you and the direction of their feet is pointed toward the door, that is a strong indication that they are faking interest in you while what they really want to do is leave. Translation, the date isn’t going as great as your think since your date’s feet are faced towards the exit.
If you’re convinced your date is having a good time because they are laughing all the time, and smiling while you speak. Then perhaps this is a good time to look out for the one-sided smile. The one-sided smile is when only one side of the smile is raised and this is the universal sign for contempt. Meaning your date is feeling superior to you and is holding back what they really want to say.
A genuine smile is when both sides of the smile lift, and there is creasing around the eyes.
Leaning on hand vs admiration
One of the more easier signs to look out for when trying to gauge whether the date is going well or not, is too look for signs of admiration or boredom.
Boredom – If your date is leaning forward and using their hand to support their tilted head. That is a clear sign that they are disinterested. In this event you would most likely need to change the topic of conversation and ask them a question as they are clearly very bored.
Admiration – However on the other hand, if the hand is directly underneath the chin and the head is straight up, this is a sign of admiration and you should definitely continue doing whatever you’re doing.
Bonus Tip: Mirroring & Matching
Now that we have covered some of the negative signs you should be looking out for, perhaps it’s a good idea to look at what signs indicate that things are going your way. That is of course, to see if they are mirroring or matching you.
A strong indicator of positive mutual rapport is when you find yourself sitting in the exact same position, reaching for something at the same time, or matching each other in terms of your body language and common use of words. In fact if you want your date to like you more, you should copy their movements and their timing, subconsciously this sends a message to your date that you are alike and share similar interests.
So the next time you find yourself on a date that you think is going well, make sure you aren’t missing any of the subtle warning signs that could later lead to embarrassment. Rather take the time to see what isn’t happening instead of what is happening.